We have all been there before. You have given a relationship all you had and more, and it’s time to let that person know you are breaking up with them. This is no easy task as we all know. I’ve had my share of people leaving me or the other way around, and here are a few tips I learned along the way to make the process smoother for everyone.
Be honest. Sometimes you don’t want to hurt the other person by telling them the real reason you’re leaving them. You think that by making up a line, “It’s me, not you” that you’re doing them a favor but in reality, you’re not helping them evolve by being dishonest. There is always a way to tell your truth by choosing your words carefully in order to smooth the truth over. From experience, the more honest you are about why you’re leaving someone, the more they will grow and so will you. They might have a hard time accepting the truth now but later down the road, they usually end up thanking you for your honesty.
Finish one relationship before starting another one. Some people like to end relationships by starting another one. This is not only hurtful to the person you just broke up with but to yourself as well. Jumping into a new relationship before an old one ends is a way of avoiding facing some of your own demons and truths. Give yourself a mourning period to honor the recent person you shared your life with and to give yourself time to heal your love wounds too.
Carry yourself with class. Swearing, screaming, throwing stuff is not a classy break-up. Sitting down and calmly explaining why you’re leaving works better than throwing an emotional fit. Later when you look back on your life, you will be able to congratulate yourself on behaving well even though it was a difficult time in your life. If you feel you can’t break-up with someone without making a scene, word of advice: take your best friend along to help you emotionally.
Give some positive words. Before walking away, let the other person know the good things you had. Reinforce the positive aspects even if they’re small. Whenever you criticize someone in life, a good rule is to give them positive feedback too. No one is all bad or all good, and we all need to learn from our mistakes. Show them you’re not leaving with just the negative stuff but also some positive stuff. If you can’t think of any right away, write to them later to tell them some positive words.
We say that what goes around, comes around. If you learn to break-up with someone respectfully then you are planting a respectful future for yourself.
2 Comments
It seems so much easier to leave in a huff and a puff, but down the road, that burden is heavy. I agree with what you have written here, Nora, and applaud the style of writing. You make difficult matters seem less tricky.
I really enjoyed this blog! It seems easier said than done, sometimes we get so angry that we just want to throw rocks at someone. After reading this, I went back to my ex and apologized for the nasty things I had said when I was angry. Now at least I won’t carry all that weight into my next relationship.
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